Lingpin works for the Army and is a full-time servant for God. He serves in many areas in church, including playing the drums for the church band and editing videos and taking photographs. He inspires many with his sacrificial heart.
Hi guys, It's been a while since I posted anything.. I guess work has a way of catching up on you when you least expect it or want it.
I think in recent months it's been quite the rollercoaster ride for all of us. Of course the event that hit us most was the loss of our dear friend David. Now that the dust has settled, I felt that it's time to wipe of the dust and sweat and blood and let the emotions come out. It's time to sort out the emotion thing, so bear with me.
I certainly have felt the loss and the exasperation and frustration of not being able to physically do anything for David. Among the brothers we secretly felt the helplessness of getting front seats to the greatest tragedy playing out before our eyes. Oh yes I have felt helpless and felt the pain. But we bravely decided we had to carry on. The campus guys are a great bunch.
At some point in time i decided that i just had to numb the pain and go on doing the right thing, even ifit meant distancing myself from this whole thing. I felt that I had to take care of everyone else before sorting myself out, just to keep everything stable. Once the dust had settled it would be safe for me to come out of my protective shell again.
The best I could do was to make sure the special service went great, made sure the video was encouraging, make sure the songs would do justice to his favourite kingdom songs, make sure the flow of the service went well and that he could see what went on. Then when it happened I just had to grit my teeth and make sure the whole service was done with the greatest care and respect to the family. I made sure we organised the pall bearers and made sure that if I couldnt say anything to him then I should at least carry him and send him off. And to top it off I had the task of reliving every single moment when I edited the wake video for David's family. Oh I made sure that everything went just fine.
Now I just have to make sure that everything is fine with... me. Maybe shed a tear or two just to make sure.
I thought about my motivation to do all this. Is it glory that i want? Praise from Man? "Oh ling pin you have done so much and you should let people know!" Is it affirmation? I thought long and hard before I plunged into this difficult task of serving the family with all my heart. I promised myself that I shall love as Jesus loved, serve as Jesus served, and live as Jesus lived.
And really that was what I needed to weather the storm. How would i deal with personal tragedy and live to tell the tale? How would I find the stomach to grit my teeth and bear with the pain and still decide to do the right thing? How would I find the will to push my emotions aside and serve with all my heart?
I had no choice.
I just had to rely on Jesus for strength and courage... and love. In a time when everyone is in need of love, who will give it? In a time when I also need love, who will give me love? Who will be my friend? I had no choice but to rely on God more and more each day. That is the valuable gift that this whole thing has given to me and God has strange and mysterious ways to tell people things.
I will lament the passing of David, but I will cherish his memory, and the final gift that he gave to me. Am I ok? I guess I will be fine after a while. Now if only I would unclench my fist from the shovel and stopworking for a while and let God take more control of my life...
But you know what, melancholic-cholerics are all like that....:)
love you lots,
Ling Pin.
